Mother's Day Sale

Daughter: Mum, what’s it like to have the greatest daughter in the world?
Mum: I don’t know dear, you’d have to ask Grandma.

A little girl asked her mum, “How did the human race appear?”
Mum answered, “God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made …”
Two days later the girl asked her Dad the same question.
Dad answered, “Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.”
The confused girl returned to her mum and said, “Mum, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?”
The mother answered, “Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his!”

A mother is trying to get her son to eat carrots. “Carrots are good for your eyes,” she says.
“How do you know?” the son asks.
The mother replies, “Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?”

Sunday school teacher: Tell me, Johnny. Do you say prayers before eating?
Johnny: No, ma’am, I don’t have to. My Mum’s a good cook.

One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. She looks at her mother and inquisitively asks: “Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?”
Her mother replied: “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.”
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then asked: “Mumma, how come all of grandma’s hairs are white?”

“Mom, are bugs good to eat?” asked the boy. “Let’s not talk about such things at the dinner table, son,” his mother replied. After dinner the mother inquired, “Now, baby, what did you want to ask me?” “Oh, nothing,” the boy said. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”

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When I was a kid, somewhat adventuresome, I liked to apply my new found knowledge to practical things. Problem was as my Mother used to say "You did not always think right".  Just had to share some of that wisdom with her. Mom always emphasized how important it was to share.Got me into trouble a lot. (Note from Janet...you will understand why Randy's mother was a saint after you read his facts.)

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing and a superman cape.

It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.

You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.

When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.

A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

Not everything will flush. You should never should say the words "Uh-oh", after flushing. it's already too late.

Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

You can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies.

A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep.

Legos will pass through the digestive tract. Duplos will not.

Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.

Super glue is forever.

No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

It is hard to nail Jell-O to a tree.

VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

Sardines on pizza are terrible, but worse on radiators and manifolds.

The oven was not the best place to hide things.

Plastic toys do not like ovens.

Garbage disposal and candles do not like each other. 

The fire department in Charlotte has a 5-minute response time.

The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

It will however make cats dizzy

Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

You can break an auto windshield on a moving car with just pebbles.

Auto windshields contain plastic.

People can get stuck in drainage culverts.

Cinnamon sprinkled on a hot range eye produces sparks.

China is not located under our garden.