Halloween Approaches

Last Halloween there was a knock on the door. I looked out of the window and then shouted upstairs to my wife, “Honey there’s a witch at the door. What shall I do?”

She shouted back, “Just give her some candy and tell her to get lost.”

My mother-in-law hasn’t spoken to me since.
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My wife said to me yesterday, “Honey, I think we should do something really scary for the kids this Halloween.”

I said, “Well, we could always take them to your mother’s.”

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Too many spiders in your house can turn it into a no fly zone.

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My girlfriend is so scared of spiders that she leaves the house until I get rid of them.

I’ve been living alone and peacefully for six hours now.

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A group of trick or treaters approached the 4 BR ranch and rang the bell. As a comely elderly woman opened the door with a large bowl of assorted treats she was greeted with a resounding  "Trick or Treat" from the group.

Smiling broadly, the elderly lady proceeded to dispense treats and said out loud, " Well, well! Let's see who we have here. A witch, a skeleton."

Suddenly, puzzlement overcame her features and she inquired of the child in a three piece suit, sick pin, and patent leather shoes, "Who are you supposed to be?" 

The kid in a casual self-assured manner replied, " Lady, I'm the scariest of the lot - I'm your financial advisor!"



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Halloween Wisdom:

*"Little bitty candy bars do not make little bitty butts".

*If you work in the medical field, have patient contact, and have to work on Halloween use some fashion since -- A Grim Reaper costume is probably not the best choice. 

*Make this Halloween memorable - Give out EX-lax for treats! They're chocolate! Right?

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Did you hear about the witch that went to Mickey D's on Halloween and asked how many kids came with a Happy Meal?
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Griszelda - "Why are yo so sad? It's Halloween!"

Wicked Witch of the South - " I Went to the Doctor yesterday, He told me I could not have kids!

Griszelda -  "Well food allegeries are not the end of the world."

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OK – The dreaded Halloween Riddles:

Q: How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?

A: He could feel it in his bones!

Q: What did the Skeleton say to the vampire?

A: You suck!

Q: How do you help a starving cannibal?

A: Give them a hand!


Q: What is between Godzilla's toes?

A: Slow runners!


Q: What did the cannibal get that was late for dinner?