We are quickly approaching November and of course the upcoming election. Regardless, of your party affiliation or political views we encourage all of you to vote. If you do not regard it as your civic duty then think of it as revenge or response for all those attack ads you have had to endure for the past year!! While we do not formally endorse one candidate over another, we ostentatiously defend all the privilege to choose. That being said I hope the following may make you smile while waiting in line to vote, or at the DMV, or holding for a live person on the IRS help line.
Once upon a time, Senator Unk met his inevitable end and stood before St. Peter at the pearly gates. St. Peter asked with an air of authority and conviction "Who are you and what do you want?"
The Senator replied, "I am Senator Unk and I demand entrance."
Somewhat bemused, St. Peter looked down at his scroll and replied, “I do not see your name on our list. On what grounds do you seek entrance?"
The Senator began a rather long litany of all the committees, sub- committees, and tax reform legislation sponsored by him complete with all the political hyperbole at which time St. Peter interrupted his long dissertation. “All of this is neither here nor there – what have you – you personally done to warrant entrance through the gates of heaven?”
Somewhat, unprepared the Senator, needed time to formulate a response, so relying on on his many years of political wrangling he responded, “I not quite sure I understand your true meaning. Would you be so kind as to explain this to a poor old country boy?”
Without any perceptible facial expression and in stoic fashion, St Peter replied, “Devout practice of the Seven Heavenly Virtues – Faith, Love, Hope, Prudence, Justice, Restraint, Courage …..”
As St Peter continued with the list, Senator Unk quickly surmised this was hardly a list he had embraced in his former life. He needed an edge – this was no different than waging war for a bill on the Senate floor, so interrupting St Peter in his best accusatory tone, “What about charity? I did not here charity on the list. Is charity not a virtue? Is giving to those less fortunate, those in need, not worthy of consideration?"
The stoic figure replied without any inflection in tone, “Certainly. Charity is of great importance, but we can find no instance where you specifically engaged in Charity”.
In his best smug and self assured tone the Senator replied with his best eloquent word craft,” Sir, I submit your records are in error. On August 8, 1982 I donated a nickel to marginalized fellow human on the street outside of The Dabney Restaurant in Washington, DC”.
With no outward sign of consternation, St. Peter replied, “We will endeavor to validate your assertion” and promptly departed.
Optimism began to surge through the Senator’s as he waited for St Peter to return. ‘Thinking to himself – I got this. I have exposed their error. They are vulnerable. I leveraged the situation. They will and must admit me to heaven’.
St. Peter reappeared without fanfare. The Senator, reading a slight change in the otherwise steely countenance of the Saint, sent the Senator’s confidence to new heights.
Speaking without inflection, St. Peter addressed the Senator, “After much research, we have discovered the event you describe did in fact occur”.
As St. Peter continued to speak a slight smirk began to form on the Senator’s face. The Senator thought to himself – 'Here comes the apology and admittance'.
St. Peter continued to speak, “We take matters such as this very seriously. We strive for perfection, accuracy, and to render fair and just decisions. After much deliberation and thought we have reached a decision”.
Extending his hand from under his robe St. Peter gestured to his guest. The Senator somewhat confused extended his hand for a hand shake, but instead St. Peter dropped a small shiny object into the Senators hand.
With total bewilderment, the Senator looked into the Saint’s face just in time to hear the words, “We have decided to give you your nickel back, and tell you to go to hell”.
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